Saturday 7 March 2009

I started smoking again after 18 months!

It was a stupid thing to do. I was stressed and even though I knew it wouldn't help I did it anyway. I guess if I analyse why I'd have to say I was feeling self destructive but I knew alcohol was off limits so that was the next best thing. I smoked pretty much the whole box and now I have a craving to start smoking again. I know it will pass if I just dont touch anymore, and since im not in the habit of smoking it will be much easier than if I associated it with lunch breaks (or drinking!). Silly me!
Ive noticed now that people are totally used to us not drinking and they no longer even comment on it which is nice. We get the occasional 'how long until you are again?' but thats about it. I do miss being around drunk people sometimes...they make me laugh ;-)
Last night we had a friend over who reminded me how red my face was once night and how I got annoyed after they brought it up (what they forgot was they brought it up about 100 times before I lost my temper!) Another reason not to drink...I dont have much of a sense of humor unless I intended to make a fool of myself!!
I do think more and more though that im not going to be a big drinker after this, and if I find myself creeping back into old habits then I'm just going to stop for good. Its just not worth the health issues, the time lost to hangovers, etc etc. If I can just have a few and then go a month without then great, but we'll see. I think one of the biggest lessons ive learned is normal people with seemingly no issues with drinking are terrified of the idea of never drinking again. We'll take it from someone who knows...it aint that bad...in fact its better to not drink in someways.
I think someone I know might have a problem with alcohol. They drink a 'normal' amount in the pub but just the odd thing they've said or behaviour they've exhibited makes me think there drinking when people aren't around, and there drinking spirits...and thats the thing...ive never seen them drink spirits so it does make me wonder...

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